En Obres (Under Construction)
I don't know whether it's just this summer in particular, or summers in general, but in Barcelona it seems like everything is under construction. Throughout the city, metro lines, tram lines, streets, are closed for construction, including nearly all of the metro lines we use most. So all of our traveling takes longer as we find new routes to places and navigate increased congestion. Or we travel more by bike (until mine was stolen). And it's not only throughout the city, but right down to the street just outside our house. Every morning for the past two months we have been awakened around 7am to the soothing vibrations of jackhammers reverberating through our house, accentuated by the twinkling chimes of chisels and the tweety tones of heavy machinery. This morning they arrived to remove the sidewalk right in front of our door. (I saved a souvenir tile.) So deconstruction and reconstruction are quite literally right at our doorstep.
And as all of the noise and disruptions bring waves of frustration and exhaustion, I have of course been thinking a lot about what has been termed spiritual deconstruction. So often we fear the times of deconstruction. It can feel like a threat, or a defeat, or an end. And many times it is. Many times deconstruction is confused for mere destruction. Indeed, we, the church, have largely been afraid even to talk about it, or we do so with derision. Maybe the problem is that our search for certainty makes us afraid to ask the tough, inevitable questions that many of us face. But we cannot avoid disappointment, frustration, confusion, hard questions, and persecution that come in life with Jesus. We have to have better answers than avoidance or destruction. And we do. But sometimes the better answers are things Jesus already said — things we've overlooked, avoided, or misunderstood. Sometimes the understandings that brought us to Jesus cannot continue to contain him, or were misunderstandings entirely. (Praise the Lord we're never commanded to completely understand Him, but to Love Him!) Sometimes to get back to fresh understanding we have to turn up the soil again, or, as I like to say, tear off the callouses to find fresh, tender skin that can be sensitive again to what He is really saying and calling us to. Maybe we need to break up the pavement that didn't quite fit, but still got us to where we are now, where He can break it up and replace it with truer, surer footing. He wants so much for us and He is willing to go through the work of tearing up the foundations with us to rebuild anew.
Jesus said "Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up." (John 2:19) We cannot be born again unless we first die. Embrace the struggle. Embrace the things the Lord may be dismantling in you. It hurts, it brings hard questions, it can feel confusing. Seek Jesus and only Jesus in the process. Because often it is the only way that the Lord brings newness and fullness of life. I pray that for all of you. What is the Lord trying to build in you? And what, first, needs to be torn down? Let Jesus guide that process unto newness of life.
“When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.”